I got up yesterday before 6 . I wrote a blog post. I folded clothes that were washed yesterday night & put them away. Dhyan did not wake up till I was done 🙂 Do you ever have this insane feeling that people can understand you at a subconscious level? I have had this with Dhyan since he was born, even before that. I kept talking to him a lot soon after birth. I kept saying ‘It’s okay’ as he was wailing lying on my bare chest. He twisted his neck to get a good look at me – Ah! those big eyes – then he calmed right down – breastfed and napped 🙂 It felt as if he listened to me & felt safe & became okay. Later he wouldn’t pee and the nurse suggested that I give formula. I didn’t want to give him anything other than mother’s milk at least until 6 months so I spoke to Dhyan again asking him to pee and he did 🙂 I worked remotely till he was a year old. My mother stayed a few months and then she left. Even when my mom was here, I did everything for Dhyan. Since I had no help and when I had to attend meetings, I asked Dhyan subconsciously to stay asleep till at least the meeting was over and he did 🙂 When I focus & undertake any project , he will stay asleep till I complete it and only then wake up 🙂 This has happened too many times to reject as an isolated event. What to call this ? Telepathy? Anyways I continue using this telepathic powers even now and it works every time! BTW, I remember figuring out solutions – say how to make a code work – as I was playing with him 🙂
Its apparent that I love Dhyan a lot. I was a good, kind, patient mom. I was! Yes – I didn’t care about my family problems, however people hurt me, if I am in a hurry ; I did okay as I should be. They are nothing to me. All my world was in my hands. I was loving, gentle & kind. It doesn’t look like I can do it anymore. I am trying hard to be nice to my precious son. I understand & accept my mood, my priorities & I am trying to get better. But I don’t always stay on track. I retrogress some days & push myself back on track again. I hate that however mindful I am to be nice to my son, I lose my patience & raise my voice & force him! Guilt conquers me and I am learning every day from my mistakes , finding ways & fixing things. I really really wish I am eternally peaceful like Buddha or Mother Teresa. That would be a great blessing !
Yesterday was one of the days I retrogressed. I hate that my mood affects his behavior. I was hurrying to get things done to make it to the soccer appointment at 10. I was sighing & gasping every time Dhyan was making a mess. And before we left, I commanded and blackmailed that he clean up all his messes – he did actually. We had a good time there. I reached on time. We had a snack before class. I did it right but the way I did it was wrong. I maintained my calm there. Dhyan played soccer wonderfully. We stayed for 2 hours or so. After coming home, we bathed & ate . And before his nap, I had to change his diaper. I yelled again! I was tired since I fed him but I didn’t eat yet. So I pulled him & commanded that he stay still & he was crying a lot & napped in a few. The way I write it and I have done it many times before – it cannot be called a tantrum because Dhyan is a matured & understanding kid. Most of the time when he throws things away, he is mad or confused or disappointed or needs attention. There will be a valid reason!
What does he need?
- He needs to be treated with respect.
- He needs connection.
What works ?
- He wants me to talk to him elaborately – like at lengths, in a mild, sweet, calm tone. He wants me to reason with him. He wants me to make him understand.
- When you are mad or hungry or tired – don’t sigh or frown or say something hurtful – put him in the crib & walk away. Relax far away & eat something – after a couple minutes continue step 1 again
Fixing my relationship with my son –
What am I going to do? We speak in Telugu at home. I am realizing if I talk in English – I am more patient & he listens more. It will also improve his English communication skills – WIN WIN!. I am planning to chat a lot with Dhyan & only in English for next 30 days. Hoping it will become a habit after that. I will try to do mid-month & end of the month update …
Bye for now …
PS Dhyan’s soccer video – https://youtu.be/5wzrxVHm9ew